monday haiku collection

The whole Monday thing

 - Wah wah Mondays are the worst -

I don't put stock there...

... usually. BUT

today feels like a Monday.

A Mon-fucking-day.

Brushing our teeth feels

less wholesome when the water

looks like faucet poop.

Water discolor

is common when firemen use

hydrants to put out house fires.

Like, thanks? But also, 

not thanks? My water's yucky.

You're so rude, fireman.

Brown water upside:

No laundry, dishes, shower.

Guess I have to blog.

Front door won't open.

That is not a metaphor. 

Front. Door. Won't. Open.

Our house is a slum.

Except for the stainless fridge,

roof, heat, and wifi.

Chick wants a burger.

I cook a fucking burger.

Guess what happens next.

Chicken asks for cheese.

I give him some fucking cheese. 

Guess what happens next.

Chicken wants crackers.

NO. You can't have more crackers.

You shit crackers. Truth.

Sobbing, crackerless,

Chicken runs in circles, yells

"I'M RUNNING RIGHT NOW!"

Chicken runs into

the door. Because all this day

needed was some blood.

At least nobody

has shit running up their backs

or down their legs. Yet. 

For the love of God,

where's the emergency pie?

Did I stutter? PIE.