educated women... BUT AT WHAT COST?!?
First, we have to just leave aside the question of how the fuck THIS cartoon came to be.
Writer: So it’s an article about women in higher education.
Artist: Great! I’ll draw a smiling woman in a cap and gown.
Writer: No, but it’s not a good thing.
Artist: Oh.
Writer: It’s about how women in higher education are threatening relationships.
Artist: Oh...
Writer: So there should be a man in it.
Artist: OK, sure, it’s about gender, I can add a man.
Writer: He should look scared, but like also really nice? Like, just a really good guy. Who’s terrified.
Artist: Um
Writer: And she should look… what’s the word...
Artist: Intelligent?
Writer: No…
Artist: … high-achieveing? Focused? Proud?
Writer: No, no, I’m thinking of a word… it’s NOT bitchy. But it’s LIKE bitchy.
Artist: Haughty?
Writer: Perfect.
Artist: Great.
ANYWAY, LEAVING THAT ASIDE, I’m going to give you an early birthday present and spare you a click on this WSJ article. The argument here is that more women than men are earning degrees now, and that’s actually NOT a good thing across the board because:
a) Women are choosier than men
b) There aren’t enough “good men” anymore
c) … WILL HUMANS CONTINUE TO MATE?!?!
So but let’s leave aside the question of “will people keep fucking, even after college graduations?!?” Like, I think we can leave that one aside for a moment.
Let’s ALSO leave aside, for a moment, the fact that an actual person wrote the following text and then published it, under his own name, in the year of our Doctor Roxane Gay 2019:
“In fact, the Department estimates that by 2027 women will account for about 60% of all bachelor’s degrees awarded.
Now, from the perspective of economic justice and equity, we can surely stipulate that this is progress. It may be the most tangible piece of evidence of a fundamental change in sexual equality since women were given the vote. If education really is the key to lifetime earning potential, then slowly, perhaps, steadily, we can expect the gap in pay and opportunities to narrow.
I realize of course that there are many other reasons for gender differences in economic outcomes, and many of those aren’t going away. But the impact of a more highly educated female population in the workforce should be substantial.
But while the economic consequences may play out this way, it’s worth pondering some of the social effects. In the much larger game of life, love and relationships, the growing educational disparity between men and women is a problem.”
Do we have time to ask “A PROBLEM FOR WHOM EXACTLY, GOOD SIR WHATTHEFUCK?” No? We don’t? Ok, so we’ll leave aside for a moment that if you’re intimidated by a woman with an education, that sure sounds like a YOU problem, chief.
And let’s acknowledge and then rapidly speed-walk away from the big YIKES moment that happened when this writer describes a “larger game of life, love, and relationships” in which life/love/relationships doesn’t significantly value a woman’s education. Like, at all.
And RIGHT OFF THE BAT we have to celebrate and acknowledge, but then leave aside for a moment, the reality that NOT ALL WOMEN WANT TO FUCK/MARRY MEN. LGBTQIA+ women and femmes didn’t come up in the article, but they sure felt like a good mention.
And yeah, let’s leave aside for a moment that just because you’re intimidated doesn’t mean she’s intimidating. Believe it or not… (checks over shoulder)
(slips cloak hood from head to reveal hair as dark as night and lips as red as a rose)
(beckons you closer)
(closer)
(stares into your eyes)
(whispers)
The ancient legend tells of a mystical land in a time past time, in which some things are
not.
about.
you.
(witchy spirit fingers)
But anyway, we’ll leave aside for a moment the idea that women can only be one thing, educated or married, and if they choose “educated” then they’re MURDERING HUMANITY. “Education murders humanity” is a hot take, I guess, since women started getting more degrees than men, because find me an article about how MEN are THREATENING THE HUMAN RACE because there are just too many MEN in college and not enough EDUCATED WOMEN for them to mate with.
Oh god my stomach muscles hurt so bad.
You can’t find one! You can’t! Because there was only ever one gender that needed to “marry up,” right? There was never an assumption that men SHOULD be looking for an equal partner, and never an assumption that a woman could hold the educational, financial, professional power in a relationship. The idea that men might be vulnerable, just now, just a little bit, in the way that women have been vulnerable for fucking ever? INCONCEIVABLE!
So let’s leave aside the inescapable conclusion that a woman might think of a record number of educated women as “progress” or “an invitation to grow and evolve,” this man can only think of it as “OPPOSITE DAY” slash “THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD.” Good thing we have this educated man among us to warn us of the dire consequences our folly! GIRLS, DROP YOUR BOOKS. IT’S MEATLOAF MONDAY.
And we don’t even have time to get into the fact that it’s fucking sad that her success destroys him from the inside out and threatens the stability of SOCIETY.
And we have to leave aside the fallacious argument that women have no time for fuckboi incels because the fuckboi incels didn’t FINISH THEIR PHILOSOPHY DEGREES. I have no time for fuckboi incels because they’re shitty people, not because they’re undereducated. I have no time for fuckboi incels because I worked hard for my education and someone who tries to emotionally abuse, belittle, or shame me for that education is (checks notes) right, “garbage” (pronounced “gar-BAHJ” because bitch I have a bachelor’s degree, but even if I didn’t I’d still say it like that because the degree don’t make the woman, folks. The degree just gives the woman options.)
I wish we had time to unpack the reality that these boys were broken by the same butch macho nonsense that broke us girls too. Difference is that we feel sorry for broken boys and blame the broken girls, no matter what. Ask Chanel Miller about it. Ask the girls at this dance about it:
I’m supposed to be his happy housewife and he’s supposed to be my happy daddy man, and when neither one of us is happy we’re both lonely and trapped. I’m supposed to let him make our choices and he’s supposed to never need advice or help, and when we’re lost at sea and I have the compass I’m supposed to figure out how to slip it into his pocket instead of saying “North is that way, babe. Want some hardtack?”
HOWEVER. I have shit to say and my shit is SMART and probably HELPFUL, but FUCK ME SIDEWAYS do I seriously have to hide my flipping bachelor’s degree from him like the flip-flapping Goldfinch painting so he doesn’t REJECT me for being TOO EDUCATED FOR OPTIMAL WIFE MATERIAL?
Like, if I even had the juice to deal with this at all, and I don’t, I’m fresh outta juice, so we’ll leave this aside, but I’d be imagining him like, “Don’t be too picky, ladies, and you better think twice before you enroll in community college?”
And all the women in his life like “Or what?”
And he’s like, “Or I WON’T MARRY YOU.”
And he waits for us to be like
But then we’re all like
Not because we don’t want a man but because we don’t want a CLOWN. A BABY CLOWN. A SAD MEAN BABY CLOWN.
AGAIN. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM, CHUCK.
And my dude, you are missing out. Smart women are the fucking best. Smart women with and without degrees. If you weren’t so scared of us you’d be having the time of your life.
But let’s leave aside the fact that I for sure did not get my bachelor’s degree so I could bully a small man with it, and if I hadn’t gotten my bachelor’s it wouldn’t have been so my future husband could feel superior to me.
Because we have to leave aside, for a moment, the fact that this headline is saying that educated women can and should be rejected for their defects in a system in which women must remain less educated, less equipped, less empowered than their male handlers. Oh, were you expecting me to say “partners” there?
Bitch, please.
Let’s leave aside the unspoken bro fear the trembles deep in the gnads of the men who see truth in this article: “If they learn enough, they won’t need us anymore.” “If they achieve enough, I won’t be good enough anymore.” “If she can take care of herself, what can I bring to the table?”
Let’s leave that aside for a moment because it’s so fucking sad, honey. “I’m not intrinsically good enough to deserve an excellent woman, so I must keep her from being excellent.”
DUDE. STOP DATING AND GET SOME FUCKING THERAPY. FOR YOURSELF, HONESTLY.
If I learn everything, I’ll still need a friend. Learn how to be my friend.
If I achieve everything, I’ll want a partner to celebrate with me. Learn how to be proud of my successes.
If I can take care of myself AND Bear Grylls has me on speed dial AND Cap calls me for backup, I’ll still want your love. Learn how to love someone who isn’t your hostage.
It’s scary. I get it. But fuck, man, you’re not a child anymore. At least, I hope you’re not a child. I swear a lot. This tantrum isn’t doing a WHOLE LOT to allay my concerns about the army of fragile manbabies that stalks my nightmares. Only children choose partners who need them so they can’t walk away. Grown-ups choose partners who challenge and complete them because that’s what life is fucking for, dude.
You seriously gonna spend your one wild and precious life trying to “marry down” and then become the human electric fence on your wife’s life? So you feel better than at least one person? Honey. Get some fucking therapy.
But let’s leave all that aside for a moment because who has the fucking time when all the women I know, women who didn’t finish high school and women with their doctorates and every woman in between, all we really needed to say was this:
