have you ever

This poem is explicit. 

Anyone who does not want to read about explicit, threatening scenarios should not read it. 

Mom and Dad, I'm talking to you.

Let me just ask you this.

Have you ever been touched

without your permission?

By your arm?

By a friendly grandpa type?

By your back?

By a Greenpeace volunteer?

(They don't touch everyone, you know.

They don't touch my husband.)

Have you ever looked

across a coffee shop

and met the eyes

of a panting man

watching you?

Have you ever had to weigh

that if you turned and walked away

he'd keep going,

anyway?

Have you ever stood your ground

because

fuck you

because

look at my face?

Because you wanted to be able

to see him?

Have you ever wished for a coat?

Have you ever hated yourself

for the clothes you chose?

Have you ever thought

what did you expect would happen?

Have you ever laughed,

and kissed a man's cheek

when he appeared out of nowhere

three blocks from home

and said

"Let me walk you,

you're beautiful,

let me walk you.

Are you close?

I'll walk you.

What's your name."

Have you ever laughed and refused,

laughed and refused,

laughed as he walked with you anyway

laughed as you thought

where can I go

laughed until you let him spank you,

lightly,

good-bye?

Have you ever been saved

by your willingness

to bend over?

Have you ever realized

how often laughing works?

Have you ever laughed

and understood immediately

that this one does not like

to be laughed at?

Have you ever been saved?

Have you ever had to thank a stranger

for pulling you away

from a stranger

when he saw your blank face

the picture of animal panic

when your back was on the wall?

Have you ever hated the man who helped you

because it was just

just

just

humiliating

that you had a hero?

To thank?

For what?

Nothing happened.

You just

got pushed into a wall

for a minute

or two.

Have you ever

hugged someone tight

like a boxer does?

Have you ever pressed yourself against

the person who wants

to take you?

Have you ever waited out the clock?

Have you ever been saved

when a stranger realized

that someone else already had dibs on you?

Have you ever heard

one man

apologize

to another

for nearly taking you?

Because he didn't realize

you were his?

Sorry, man.

I didn't know

she was yours.

Have you ever tried to speak

after being saved

like that?

Have you ever found your jaw

tight as a tomb

after being saved

like that?

Have you ever seen them perfect their signals

like a pitcher and a catcher?

Have you ever seen them lob the ball

with underhanded grace?

Have you ever been

the ball?

"Aren't you happy to see my friend?

Don't you want to say hello?

Show him how you say hello.

She's the best."

Have you ever had the sense

that there was already a plan

for your evening?

And that it would be best

to get okay with it?

Have you ever caught a glimpse of a wink

a nod

over your head

when you smiled

and hugged the man

you were supposed to hug?

When he hugged you high

and low

testing all the edges of your  soft,

round parts

just to see

if you had

a line?

Have you ever played along?

Have you ever smiled

at someone who scares you?

Have you ever

gone quiet

and chosen to permit

what was going to happen?

Have you ever pretended

you love to give blow jobs

because you wanted to leave

unfucked?

Have you ever let your boyfriend

take pictures of you

and found out

years later

that everyone

(everyone)

saw them?

Have you ever been surprised

like that?

Years later, engaged,

catching up

with an old friend?

Have you ever been

so unsurprised?

Have you ever thought

well what did you think would happen?

Have you ever gone blank?

Have you ever thrown pebbles

at the advancing tank?

Wait

Wait

Wait wait wait wait wait 

WAIT

Have you ever been told

to consent?

Have you ever gone toe-to-toe

on a summer afternoon

at a cafe table full of crosstalking smart young people like you

people you've just met and like,

making some pretty good points actually,

making everyone laugh,

until the man you were arguing with

told you to shut up and put your tits away?

Have you ever shut up

and covered

what wasn't uncovered?

Have you ever taken a slap

like that?

Quietly?

Have you ever been saved

from that silent table?

Have you ever had to thank

the person who saved you?

A person whose friends they were?

A person you've loved since childhood

who saved you?

Have you ever said thank you?

Or do you just

get

too

mad?