unjustifiably proud of myself
The internet wasn't working.
So, in a flash of brilliance the likes of which has not been seen on this Earth since the day God said LET THERE BE LIGHT, I unplugged the router and then plugged it back in.
I INVENTED THE INTERNET THIS DAY.
The whisk wasn't in the kitchen drawer to the right of the stove. I looked and looked, under the wooden spoon and behind the spatula. But no. The whisk was GONE. All hope was lost. I was going to have to use a fork to whisk the eggs. A FORK. Like Jodie Foster in NELL.
But then, in a moment of crystalline insight into the order of the world, I thought maybe, just maybe I should look in the drawer to the left of the stove, and...
If Congress had those kinds of finely-tuned instincts there wouldn't be a war on Christmas anymore, I can say that for certain.
I took the sweaters to the dry cleaner. ALL of them. It was seriously like 17 sweaters.
AND I only apologized to the dry cleaner once for the insane number of sweaters.
I know, I'm sorry... we just moved...
That may or may not have been one month ago.
I needed to trim my fingernails so I went looking for the fingernail clippers.
So, in a flash of brilliance the likes of which has not been seen on this Earth since the day God said LET THERE BE LIGHT, I unplugged the router and then plugged it back in.
 |
| I wonder if NASA is hiring |
___
The whisk wasn't in the kitchen drawer to the right of the stove. I looked and looked, under the wooden spoon and behind the spatula. But no. The whisk was GONE. All hope was lost. I was going to have to use a fork to whisk the eggs. A FORK. Like Jodie Foster in NELL.
But then, in a moment of crystalline insight into the order of the world, I thought maybe, just maybe I should look in the drawer to the left of the stove, and...
 |
| Clever girl I'm talking about the whisk here in an Australian accent |
___
I took the sweaters to the dry cleaner. ALL of them. It was seriously like 17 sweaters.
AND I only apologized to the dry cleaner once for the insane number of sweaters.
I know, I'm sorry... we just moved...
That may or may not have been one month ago.
___
I needed to trim my fingernails so I went looking for the fingernail clippers.
Several weeks later I found them.
 |
| obviously in the kitchen with the stamps and the tape duh |
And at the moment I found the clippers, as soon as I had them in my hand, I stood over the trash can and finally clipped my fingernails.
I felt like one of those cold case detectives. You can close the folder on this one, Spaznitsky. But some cases... they never leave you...
Me: I'd like the veggie burger with cheddar cheese.
Her: Waffle or sweet potato fries?
Me: I'd like the green salad.
I think it was pretty clear from the breathless awe that shone from her face that I was the most impressive person she'd met since the new millenium, or possibly ever.
I felt like one of those cold case detectives. You can close the folder on this one, Spaznitsky. But some cases... they never leave you...
___
Her: Waffle or sweet potato fries?
Me: I'd like the green salad.
 |
| No thanks actually I'd prefer room-temp leaves do your leaves have stalks I def need some stalks fibrous nutrient-dense I love how they get stuck in my teeth so much better than salty crispy french fried potatoes because I'm good so good this time |
I think it was pretty clear from the breathless awe that shone from her face that I was the most impressive person she'd met since the new millenium, or possibly ever.
___
Do you have one?
Please share with my dirty dozen readers and Ivan Ivanovich in the comments below!
(What's up Ivan!)
(What's up Ivan!)