shit your pants scary

Well, maybe that title is overstating it a little.

More like fart your pants scary.

Maybe hair on the back of your neck scary.

Or whirl around to make sure nobody is behind you scary.

OR, not to put too fine a point on it, but your toddler just said something super fucking creepy scary.

Exhibit A:

Two days ago. We're changing Chicken's diaper. Out of the blue, he says:

I'm cryin, Mommy.

He isn't crying.

I'm cryin' in the dark, Mommy.

The lights are on.

I'm cryin' in the dark and you came in the room.

He puts a finger up to his lips.

Sssshhhhhhhh.

Exhibit B:

Just a few minutes ago. Chicken is playing in the living room. He looks up at me with a big smile and says,

Hey Doc.

I am confused. The only example I can think of someone saying "hey doc," is in The Shining. I ask him to say it again.

Hey Doc. Ice cream?

OK. That's spooky. I ask him where he heard that, if he heard it on TV or in one of his books. He says,

Sunshining.

Just to jog your memory, THIS:

WHAT THE WHAT.