day off

Me: I'm taking the day off tomorrow.

Ryan: How does that work, exactly?

Me: Well, I get up when my alarm goes off at 7. I change Buster's diaper and feed him. I go into the kitchen and make Chicken's breakfast. I wake up Chicken, change his diaper, and get him set up at the table with his food. Then I get dressed and put in my contacts. Then I get Chicken cleaned up, get him dressed for school, pack up his lunch bag and water bottle, and clip Buster into his car seat. Then I carry Chicken down the stairs, into the car, and wrestle him into his car seat. Then I go back up the stairs, grab Buster in his seat along with the diaper bag and Chicken's lunch, back down the stairs, click Buster into his seat. Then I take Chicken to school (park, get out of the car, get the stroller out of the trunk, click Buster's seat into the stroller, get Chicken out of his seat, carry him into school, reverse the process sans Chicken to get back into the car with Buster.) 

Ryan: Uh-huh.

Me: Then I go home and feed Buster, change Buster, and put him down for a nap.

Ryan: Sounds divine.

Me: Wait, this is the good part. THEN, in the 2 hours before I have to leave to get Chicken from school, instead of doing laundry or dishes or cooking or writing emails or blog posts or returning phone calls, I sit and drink an iced coffee and watch a movie.

Ryan: So, you're taking 2 hours off.

Me: Yeah. Or, you know, 90 minutes if it's like a movie with like Jonah Hill or whatever.