how can you tell if he's concussed?

This is important information for three reasons:

1. You do not, I repeat, DO NOT want to google "infant concussion." 

2. If you don't google "infant concussion," you'll spend the rest of the night wondering if baby snores or minor twitching are symptoms of a fatal brain bleed. (They are actually symptoms of being a sleeping baby, FYI.)

3. You will dial the pediatrician and hang up a dozen times, wondering if they have to report questions like, "how can I tell if my 3-month-old has a concussion?" to child services.

A couple of things to remember if you're like me and tend to fret about worst-case scenarios.

1. Toddlers hit babies sometimes. Sometimes toddlers hit sleeping 3-month-old babies in the soft, soft skull with hard plastic Cookie Monster dolls. Just, you know, for example. Doctors know that toddlers are savages. Don't be afraid to call for help.

2. If you're a good mom you don't have to act like it. Abuse and neglect do have to be reported. But minor accidents - like, say, a toddler jumping off of a chair and landing elbows-first on a 3-month-old baby's eye socket... you know, hypothetically - are just that: accidents. You're not a bad mom. You're a good mom. Your doctor knows this. And the most important thing, the only thing, is a safe baby. So don't be afraid to call for help.

3. Your husband or a trusted friend can always google "infant concussion" and screen out the horror stories on Yahoo answers.

4. There's a reason babies are soft. They bend but do not easily break. Take a breath. Look at your kid. Decide if he looks ok (Jesus! He's drooling! Honey? He's drooling! Call 9-1... Wait...) Decide if what he just endured was more traumatic than being born. 

Oh yeah, and don't be afraid to call for help. Or text me and I'll tell you not up be afraid to call for help.

Now strap that helmet on your baby, get out there, and have a great weekend!

Absolutely necessary disclaimer:

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I AM A THEATRE MAJOR. 

YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A TERRIBLE MOTHER TO TAKE MEDICAL ADVICE FROM A THEATRE MAJOR. 

UNLESS THAT THEATRE MAJOR'S NAME RHYMES WITH FLORGE JUNI (with a soft j.)

BUT SERIOUSLY,

IF YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR BABY, CALL YOUR DOCTOR WHO PROBABLY MAJORED IN CHEMISTRY OR BIOLOGY OR SOMETHING FUCKING CREDIBLE. 

STOP READING BLOGS AND CALL YOUR DOCTOR. 

YES, RIGHT NOW.