Something you may not know about me?

In addition to being a writer, mom of two, and the founder of my local Cheese and Radical Feminism Discussion Group, I’m also a fashion genius.

Like, I keep it close? Because I don’t want to be like, intimidating? And honestly, please don’t be intimidated. I’m just like you! Except much better dressed, lol.

But don’t worry - that’s why I’m here! To share my brilliance with you (you’re welcome) so that you too can (try to) be as fierce and fabulous as moi. Probably not, though. It takes YEARS to curate the pieces that elevate a look from cute to couture.

But everyone starts somewhere! Before you can be an After, you have to be a Before. And as an After? I’m telling you, THE JOURNEY IS POSSIBLE. TAKE THE FIRST STEP.

Today we’ll be diving right in and talking about how to curate your Coronavirus Quarantine Capsule wardrobe.

Now, everyone has a different set of hard-and-fast rules around their own capsule wardrobes, but most everybody agrees on a few important foundational values:

1. Shop at the beginning of the season and then quit shopping.

2. Invest in a few quality pieces that will last for years.

3. Organize your wardrobe around your lifestyle.

Usually, at the beginning of a season, I pick a neutral base color (black, natch), and then choose my accent colors. I decide on a style icon, make a list of the things I might need to round out my capsule wardrobe and then start DMing all my thousands of contacts in high fashion to let them know I’m ready to accept their offerings.

I shoot for around 30 pieces. The unifying color story guarantees everything will mix and match beautifully, and getting dressed in the morning isn’t just easy… it’s a soul-cleansing meditation.

Back in late February I started to build my spring capsule. I decided on orange, cerulean, and white as accent colors. I started to acquire pieces: a sweeping floral skirt, a pair of high-rise cropped wide-leg chinos. The capsule was coming together beautifully.

And then… WELL.

Let’s just say, I haven’t worn that floral skirt yet. Or the high-rise crops.

But life, uh, finds a way, and so does this former Girl Scout’s capsule wardrobe! Fashion is improvising! Fashion is meeting the moment with grit and panache (rhymes with “a squash” not “a rash” darling).

Pandemic be damned, the spring capsule would go on… if in a slightly different form.

There’ s no reason getting dressed in the morning can’t still be easy, AND a soul-cleansing meditation, even if our high-waisted pants have become our nemeses and our “outside shoes” long-lost old flames.

So without further ado, I give you:

The KatyKatiKate Coronavirus Quarantine Capsule Wardrobe

• Base color: Black

• Accent colors: blue, gray, orange, gray, hot pink, burgundy, gray, coffee stain, really whatever, anything

• Style icon: Frances McDormand, the most fuckable fuckless woman on Earth, tell me I’m wrong.

Can you even???

You can’t, can you. I know. You’re welcome AGAIN.

You might be asking yourself, you might be saying, “Self, how could I possibly attain this level of sartorial perfection?”

Don’t worry. I believe in you! And I’m sharing my secrets so you too can serve #QuarantineLewks like the bad bitch that I believe… let me check my notes, yes, it says here: “you could have had.”

BOTTOMS:

1. 4-year-old cotton leggings with a stretched-out waistband and flirty daisy print (Old Navy)

2. 7-year-old sweatpants (with pockets!), also with stretched-out waistband and cozy pilled texture (Gap)

3. Halloween pajama pants with an extra-long inseam. I sized up for maximum hem drag and seated comfort (Target)

4. Black leggings, high rise, for dressy occasions (I honestly don’t remember and the label is all flaked off, good luck)

TOPS:

1. Sports bra, for dressy occasions, your children’s Zoom class sessions, and welfare checks (Marshall’s, I think)

2. Cotton tank top, stretched out to the perfect length for latering (Consignment store in Boulder, six years ago)

3. Cotton tank top, also stretched out, this top with a pop of color and MORE pilling! (Old Navy)

4. Fancy top from Anthropologie for work Zoom calls, blousy enough that you don’t have to wear a bra probably, if you tilt the camera up enough (Anthropologie)

5. Oversized sweater, used to be fancy but it probably has a big ass hole in the sleeve or is pilled to shit now (Vince, on consignment)

6. Fleece (with pockets!), perfect for layering, or not, whatever, it doesn’t really matter (Old Navy)

SHOES:

1. Rudolph Slippers, the perfect accessory for adding a bit of Christmas cheer to your housebound family this spring (My mom gave them to me, no idea)

2. Mama Bear Slippers, a slide option is great for keeping by the back door so you can pop them on to run outside screaming NO NO DON’T DO THAT when the kids start playing “Can I kick your face while swinging, stand on this X and let’s find out” (Target)

3. Gray Slippers, a dressier option, for such out-of-the house errands as taking the trash cans to the curb, picking up groceries curbside, or even a date night! (Zappos, I think.)

4. Navy blue flip-flops, but the color doesn’t matter, they could be any color honestly, matching is a pre-COVID construct. These are divine for walking to the pharmacy to buy your first pair of hair cutting scissors which will definitely work out AWESOME! (Girl I don’t know, they’re flip flops, buy them anywhere there are flip flops)

Oh! Don’t forget your accessories!

And there you have it! 14 pieces of COVID ferocity plus TO DIE FOR accessories! Ladies! Yes, we can! Becoming! Year of Yes! UNTAMED! Am I right???

You can TOTALLY rock these pieces, even though they feel pretty high-fashion. Like, straight off the runway, most of them.

AND, if you pick your pieces carefully, there’s no reason you can’t wear any and all of them together! Yes, even the most fierce and fabulous piece in this curated collection can flex to fit ALL THE OTHER PIECES.

Don’t believe me? Here’s that cheeky Halloween pajama pant, three ways!

OOOOOKAAAAY? Ready to take several seats, Doubty McDoubterpants?

Look one is serving strong “Party on the top, COMPLETELY DIFFERENT KIND OF PARTY ON THE BOTTOM” vibes!

Throw this on when your Zoom call starts in three minutes and you still have to heave a bucket of Goldfish at the kids and tell them to watch their show and be QUIET while Mommy’s on her call. Your co-workers will recognize your trademark whimsical yet profesh WFH style, while your “co-workers” will recognize your Chaotic Good “I didn’t have time to make choices it was 5 am and you wanted pancakes I told you to be QUIET” #ladyboss energy.

Look two takes the festive party pants to the next level!

Combine a fierce layer of defiantly “whatever” mismatched tops, and then amp up the flair with an unexpected pop of Christmas cheer: Rudolph slippers! Carrie Bradshaw WISHES!

Don’t listen to people who tell you “Oh, Tammy, you can’t wear Halloween with Christmas! It’ll clash!” FUCK YOU, RAMONA, I DO WHAT I WANT IN MY HOUSE. LOL! Strap on your noise-blocking earmuffs to perfect the look : head to toe sloppy Joe, but make it FASHION.

Look three takes our Halloween pants from day to night with a simple change of slippers and sweater.

Fleece is such a day fabric, right??? Slither into your old pilled sweater that leaves literally EVERYTHING to the imagination, slip on your fuck-me slippers, and sink into the couch. Sure, you’re “Watching Golden Girls to drown out the existential dread,” but you’re also subtly, so subtly, really almost imperceptibly, really only on opposite day, saying “come take this raggedy schmatte off me, big boy. I haven’t shaved my armpits in weeks and it’s REAL MUGGY under here.”

Mix it up and take some chances! Literally no one on Earth will see you or care, so shoot for the moon! Even if you miss you’ll land in an airless vacuum where no one can hear you scream!

xoxo

Katie "Goddess of Lewks” Anthony

If you liked this post, you may also like Postcards from the Edge of Snow Day and Pop Quiz: Do You Want a Girlfriend or a Good Dog?

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