On Sunday night I published a piece about Bernie Bros with a central thesis that:

Bernie Bro abusive behavior may alienate voters by hurting feelings on an individual level, but the widespread abuse has far more damaging impact in that it fosters mistrust of the campaign’s values and tactics, distracts from the candidate’s message and valuable policy positions, casts doubt on the effectiveness of Sanders’ ability to build a coalition, and forces voters to question his commitment to genuine inclusiveness.

Many readers objected to the piece for a number of reasons, including:

• I failed to provide evidence that Bros exist and are sexist, racist, and abusive.

• Studies have shown that pro-Sanders trolls are no more numerous than trolls for other candidates.

• Focusing the narrative on Bros erases women and people of color from the Sanders coalition.

• It’s unfeminist to allow a patriarchal media to determine the nature of the discussions we could be having around Sanders, and to permit a reductive Bro-centered narrative on the candidate.

• I perpetuated the “distracting from the candidate’s message” by posting about Bros.

• I’m clearly pro-Biden.

• I selectively responded to discuss the issue with pro-Sanders readers only, and didn’t enter conversations between readers who disagreed with each other. I didn’t step in when some readers accused some pro-Sanders commenters of being “Bros.”

• White feminism and bro-related online abuse are neighboring branches in the same foul family tree, and it’s convenient and shitty for me, a white feminist (who works her butt off not to practice white feminism), to criticize abusive white men without also collecting white women for similar behavior.

• Many pro-Sanders voices, predominantly women of color and Black women, get dismissed and labeled “Bernie Bro” when they make statements about systemic inequity that white readers perceive as “angry,” “abusive,” or “bullying.”

The whole thread remains up on my Facebook page. I have a firm policy of never deleting/hiding user comments unless they are abusive hate speech, and since I didn’t see any of that mess, I haven’t deleted anything that was posted on the page.

I disagree with some of the criticisms (I’m not pro-Biden, for one), but I think 99% of them are rooted in fair perspectives that deserve to be heard. If you’re interested in the discourse, check it out.

I want to focus on the last two issues here--the issue of white feminism weaponizing the Bro label against WOC--because it’s the one about which I sadly had to learn at the expense of my WOC readers. For that I sincerely apologize.

When I wrote the piece about Bros, I characterized many Warren-to-Biden voters as:

…attracted to Biden’s likely ability to legislate effectively. I do think it’s possible that a lot of progressive white women reverted to a #notusme mentality once it became clear that Warren wasn’t viable, and decided to go pragmatic world-rebuilding at the expense of radical world-remaking.

See where I missed my opportunity? I should have been more specific and explicit in identifying the likely white feminism at the root of some voters. For those who are unsure what I’m talking about when I say “white feminists,” I’m not just talking about feminists who are white. White feminism is a lane of feminism that isn’t feminist at all: it’s the women’s auxiliary of the white supremacy. It seeks to improve the lives and opportunities of white women only, at the expense and exclusion of women whose oppression is intersectional specifically with race, but also with sexuality, gender identity, disability, etc. White feminism is a whites-only girls’ club, and it sucks. You see white feminism in a lot of ostensibly liberal feminist spaces where the leadership is all white and issues relating to race get back-burnered for the sake of “unity.”

I’m absolutely certain that progress for white women looks very different from progress for all women, and I want the second one.

I’m absolutely certain that the Warren voter bloc includes white feminists. I’m absolutely certain that many of those white feminists went over to Biden. And I’m absolutely certain that many of those white feminists cannot have a conversation about racial justice (or anything else) with a passionate advocate who is BIPOC without feeling abused or bullied.

As I wrote to one of the readers who held me accountable, “I do not believe that marginalizing the voices of WOC is a separate issue from [Bro-related] online abuse. In any context, WOC face far greater hostility than I do. I think they are the same issue, which is why I wrote a piece criticizing a group of abusive people that frequently marginalizes WOC.

The fact that the Bernie Bro label has been used to silence rightfully angry WOC was not one that I was aware of when I wrote the piece. It makes me angry that the Bro narrative has become so prevalent that it's being weaponized against the same people that Bros frequently attack! It's total bullshit!”

When I view the recent spate of memes that I characterized as “Bro memes” through this lens (you know, the “be nice to me or I won’t care about poor people” memes), I can see that they’re also memes that skewer white feminism. Yes, white feminists notoriously say things like “You catch more flies with honey,” to Black Lives Matter activists who are trying to convince them to care about whether people live or die. I’ve only seen those memes used to gaslight and shame people who announced they were going over to Biden, and I assumed that was their only use. I think I may be wrong. I still don’t think they should be used to gaslight voters, but I do think they raise an important point about white feminism and its flaccid commitment to social justice so long as social justice is fun and grateful.

The idea of a “Bernie Bro” must be established clearly if it’s going to be accurate.

In my first piece, I defined a Bro as exclusively white and male. I defined a Bro as someone who abuses explicitly, with sexist or racist hate speech, verbal abuse, gaslighting, doxxing, and Twitter swarming.

I should have also defined a Bro as sometimes a Sis, someone who abuses passive-agressively, by gaslighting an oppressed person into believing that they’re “bullying” when what they’re doing is “sharing their lived experiences and the valid outrage that accompanies them.”

I should have defined a Bro as someone who dismisses the valid anger of a person of color as “threatening,” which is a trope that muzzles the voices we most need to hear, all the time.

I didn’t see that people fling about the Bro label willy-nilly to silence and dismiss WOC, and those blinders are a product of my privilege. Despite my personal experience with Bro attacks, both toward me and toward others I know, I’ve never been called a “Bro,” or even dismissed as an “angry woman” by people who claim to be on my team. Well, I should say, I have been dismissed as an “angry woman” by people who claim to be on my team (hi, Chad!), but not, that I can remember, by any white women, ever.

I was wrong to limit my discussion of Bro behavior to this one (predominantly male) form of hostility. Hostility toward WOC exceeds that which I experience, and it comes in many, many forms. We all express it. I express it. And it’s important that I remain accountable to you when I do.

I want to sincerely thank all the readers who wrote to me and expressed their disagreement with the original piece. I also apologize specifically to the women of color to whom it took me too long to respond in the thread, and who rightly lost faith in my support and respect when I missed this important point, both when I first published the piece, and when I struggled to process your fair criticism. You shouldn’t have had to work so hard or wait so long. I’m sorry. I hope to earn your trust back over time, but I understand completely if that’s not on the table.

To my white women readers, please think carefully about who gets to be angry, and why.

If you find yourself feeling “attacked” by a person of color, ask yourself if they’ve said anything that attacks you, personally, really. Or are you just feeling uncomfortable with their refusal to sanitize their lives for your comfort?

Does talking about race give you the “but I’m not racist” panic sweats? If it does, hi, welcome to the club, grab a towlette and pull up a chair. First lesson: Panic sweats are OUR thing to deal with in the privacy of our kitchen pantries. Panic sweats are not the product of “abuse” by a person of color who’s just telling you what it’s like to live their lives.

Imagine if every time you told a man that he was patronizing you, mansplaining to you, colonizing your ideas at work, or perpetrating any kind of other sexist nonsense, he responded by telling you that YOU were attacking HIM by pointing out his behaviors so RUDELY. Imagine if it happened all the time. Now, don’t do that.

Are you getting doxxed?

Are they using slurs or hate speech?

Or are they angry for very good reasons that deserve to be heard?

There is a difference between an angry progressive and an abusive bro (or sis): one is welcome on my page, at full volume, regardless of the candidate you support. The other is not, not ever, regardless of the candidate you support.

As we move forward through this primary, we are bound to find ourselves in more fraught conversations and heated Twitter debates. There are reasons to vote for and against both the remaining front-runners, and there are things we can learn from listening to each other.

White women readers, I urge you to continue to question your reactive responses to see if they’re rooted in your own discomfort, or actual hostility; moreover, I urge you to ask yourself if actual hostility is abuse, or an expression of justifiable outrage from a person whose lived experience differs vastly from your own and has far less freedom to express that outrage than you do.

Finally, I urge any white woman who spends time in political spaces online to protect those spaces for women of color. If you see someone mocking a passionate commenter by saying “Ok, Bernie Bro,” say something. Say, “What she said wasn’t abusive or hateful. It was true, even if it made you uncomfortable, and it’s a valid perspective. Dismissing someone for feeling deeply about these issues is repugnant, just like Bro abuse is repugnant. Don’t be the bro here.”

Also, when you find yourself not listening to the people you’re talking to, it’s time to log off and take a break. As always, this advice does not apply to people who abuse you, no matter who their candidate is. They deserve a swift block, not your time.

I welcome feedback and commentary. WOC to the front of the line.