I live just outside Seattle.

If you don't live here, chances are that the word "Seattle" triggers a specific cascade of associations: We are the land of billionaire nerds. We are galaxy that birthed the celestial giants of Starbucks, Amazon, Microsoft, Costco, and my personal home planet, Nordstrom. We are the Space Needle and ferry boats and Pike Place Market. We are the home town of all the rain, Frasier Crane, and Dr. Meredith Grey, although, in all of the above cases, not really.

You may not know that Seattle is also the home town of more than 12,000 people experiencing homelessness.

All over Seattle, tent cities sprawl beneath highway overpasses, on vacant lots, and in wooded areas. Some of these encampments are permitted by the city, others are not.

Off-books sites are vulnerable to police actions "clearing out" the area, an evacuation that may be performed in the name of public health, but that nevertheless further marginalizes and traumatizes homeless people.

RVs with papered-over windows park on side streets in neighborhoods where the median home price is in the low seven figures.

The state of Washington is home to more than 40,000 school children experiencing homelessness. Our state ranks sixth-highest in the country.

Also, 3 of the top 10 billionaires in America live here: Bezos, $115B; Gates, $106B; Ballmer, $51.7B! So that’s something!

Some Seattleites find the homeless crisis heartbreaking. Some find it irritating. Some find it gross. Some find it scary. Some people are angry at local government for failing its taxpayers; some are angry at local government for failing its citizens without homes. Some are angry with tech companies for driving up the cost of living; some are angry with activists for advocating for safe injection sites.

Me, I find it gutting. And confusing! There is so much money here! How is this level of human neglect possible? How are the cracks so big that they're swallowing entire families?

I'm mad about homelessness. It's a fucking shame, and not in that passive voiced, "aw, what a shame," way. It's a SHAME. An active shame. It makes me furious, and it breaks my heart. We should all be angry.

But if you're mad AT THE HOMELESS PEOPLE? There’s only one thing for you to do, and that’s take a long hike to the top of Mount Shut the Hell Up. While you're up there, take in some PERSPECTIVE, pumpkin.

First of all, your economic security is a myth.

You - yes, YOU - are one diagnosis away from total financial ruin. You are one chronically ill family member, one catastrophic accident, one really bad decision away from holding a sign to ask your neighbors to help you buy a cheeseburger. In a perfect world, we'd all be able to empathize with people in extreme poverty without having to remind ourselves that the only thing that divides us is tissue-thin circumstance. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to say, "YO, you are seriously ONE roll of the dice from those exact shoes, cap'n. Chill with the judgment and help your people out."

Second of all, your economic security is not the same thing as your character.

Yeah, sorry. You're not "good" because you have enough money to pay for shelter, food, water, clothes, and HBO. These material goods are not your "reward" for having integrity and health and good judgment. They are a byproduct of circumstance.

Now, this part of the conversation can be tricky to the tune of "privilege," because you might be thinking, "Well, actually" (my favorite way to start a sentence) "I'm able to pay for all of these things because I worked hard in school, and I work hard at my job, and I eat well and take care of myself, and I don't do drugs." Okay, yes. But stick with me here:

Drugs, chronic illness, racial injustice, the tech-driven housing bubble that has gentrified formerly affordable areas, mental health crises, the education and opportunity gap, underfunded public schools... suffice it to say there are as many reasons a person could experience homelessness in Seattle as there are pasty-faced apologists for Donald J. Trump. Seriously, THERE ARE SO many.

Look at that list of contributing factors to homelessness. Can you say "That's me" about any of those things? I can't - I'm not addicted to drugs, not because I'm good but because the circumstances of my life (most of which I did not choose) didn’t predispose me toward addiction. I have no chronic illnesses or disabilities. I'm white, so I've never been the victim of racial injustice. I was able to move outside of the tech bubble to an affordable house that we got without any issue because, again, we're white and able-bodied. My mental health is manageable with health care that I have because of my work and my husband's job. I went to a well-funded school that instilled an expectation that I could go on to higher education.

Can you say "That's me" about ANY of those things? No? Then please remember that you are currently sitting at the summit of Mount Shut the Hell Up, and just BE PRESENT, please.

If you are relatively secure (for now), recognize that there were systems that put you get there. In your acceptance speech for the Oscar you're winning for "Best Middle Class or Higher Stability," you better be THANKING GOD, HELEN MIRREN, OR KEANU REEVES for your parents, your spouse, your teachers, your race, your health, your able body, your attractiveness, your sex, and the fucking lottery you won when you managed to have sex in high school without becoming a teen parent and instead went on to college or a career, and when you played online poker without developing a gambling addiction and instead paid your rent or mortgage.

SOME of your success is due to your hard work. MUCH of it is due to sweet-ass, hot-damn luck. Be humble. Don't be a dick. And remember the truth: that your circumstances are not your character, and the person under the bridge's circumstances aren't their character either.

Third, and finally:

People experiencing homelessness in your city are not outsiders. They’re not invaders. They’re not pests. They are your neighbors.

Your community is a reflection of the socio-economic conditions across a SPECTRUM of experiences, including yours, and including everyone else’s, too.

Your community isn’t just made up of the people with the cutest yards. Your community is not limited to people with Vans like yours and kids your age, the ones you bump into at Trader Joe's.

Your community includes every person. It includes families living in RVs. It includes 10 people in a 2-bedroom house, hosting cousins on the couch who would otherwise be sleeping on a bench.

Your community includes people who are addicted to drugs. Some of those people are living in vans, and some are wearing them at Trader Joe’s.

Your community includes children who have to take school buses from homeless shelters. Your community includes the parents of those children, who are trying SO FUCKING HARD, and who have failed sometimes, just like EVERY OTHER PERSON in your community, including YOU.

When you say "In this neighborhood, we take care of each other," you have to mean ALL OF YOUR NEIGHBORS, or you might as well say, "In this neighborhood, we take care of the homeowners," or "In this neighborhood, we do favors for people who are probably gonna be fine either way." Or, not to put too fine a point on it, "In this neighborhood, we ignore the suffering of our neighbors because their suffering is too icky to look at."

Take care of your neighbors.

There are lots of ways to do it. Here are a few ideas:

- Talk to your local lawmakers and let them know that meeting the needs of your city’s homeless is a voting priority for you. These problems aren’t about a single person’s character or choices; these problems are about systemic failures, and we need system-wide solutions. That language sounds vague because it has to live at 30,000 feet. Homelessness is a complex problem with complex solutions.

-My kids get their age in dollars per month to donate to an organization of their choosing. My 7-year-old chose the local food bank; my 5-year-old chose the library. We set up automatic payments online and I make sure to tell them every time I get the confirmation email. Help your kids choose an organization that loves your neighbors, and support that org.

- Contact a local public school and ask to pay off some school lunch debt. Also, hit up DonorsChoose.org to support public school teachers who are on the front line of student homelessness. Many of these teachers pay out of their own pockets for hygiene supplies, clothes, shoes, and school gear for kids who would otherwise go without. Send those teachers some love.

- Also, about food banks, I know it feels good to buy a cartload of ramen if that's your kink, but seriously consider just sending them money. Food banks know what their clients need and can buy those things at wholesale, so the $20 you spent on ramen could have bought some ramen plus fresh vegetables, spices, chocolate for parents to put in their kids’ stockings at Christmas, and diapers.

- If you live near to a Native community or reservation, recognize that Natives experience disproportionately high homelessness. Look for a food bank or shelter that serves Natives.

- Carry something to give people in need, or pack homeless care kits to keep in your car. Here are some of the things we put in ours, depending on what's available/on sale at the store:

• Food (Try to avoid hard, crunchy, sticky stuff - many people don't have access to dental care and hard things like nuts can hurt to eat. Also, include protein. Soft granola bars are fine, but look for ones that actually have some nutritional value. I always try to include something that can be given to a young child as well.)

• Water

• Pet food (Many people avoid shelters because they can't bring their pets in.)

• No-water toothbrushes (Yes, they're disposable. Don't @me about plastic waste. It's very hard to reliably access clean water when you're living outside a home.)

• Band-aids

• Hand sanitizer

• Tissues

• Tampons/pads (men can use these as bandages as well.)

• Deodorant

• Condoms

• Tylenol/Ibuprofen

• Poncho

• Lighter

• Socks

• Winter hat/gloves

• Hand warmers

• Cash (I don't find this controversial at all. It's possible that the person I hand this bag to needs something that's not in the bag. Yes, including drugs. Because addicts need drugs until they're able to access services to help them safely get sober. Gaze down from the top of Mount Shut the Hell Up and recognize that there may be a wide, wide valley between "what YOU think this person needs" and "what this person actually needs.")

• Notebook & pen (This was Chicken's idea and I love it. If you have to choose between buying food and buying a notebook, you'll buy food. But it's also useful to have a place to write down things like resource and service phone numbers or shelter hours/addresses. Also, if there is a child in the family who needs school a notebook midyear, bam. Also, storytelling and communication is part of our shared humanity, and besides, it’s easy to drop a notebook in a recycle bin if you don’t want to carry it around.)

(The boys and I put these together in 2-gallon Ziplocs with tons of room to spare. If you have OCD, please allow me to apologize for the detritus on the floor.)

If you have an organization you want to plug or another idea, please drop it in the comments below! If you want to be a dick about “no free handouts” please drop it off the edge of Mount Shut the Hell Up, and then feel free to follow it.

PS - In this post, I used both the expression “people experiencing homelessness” and “homeless people.” I’ve read differing firsthand opinions about which verbiage is preferred. Some prefer “people experiencing homelessness” because it’s person-first language. Others prefer “homeless people” because defining homelessness as “an experience” is reductive and feels victim-blaming-adjacent. In this post I alternated. I don’t know. I don’t think my verbiage choice makes a difference in impact, but I did want to explain my thinking behind the choice, or rather, my choice not to make a choice.

If you liked this post, please consider donating to Mary’s Place, a family shelter in Seattle.

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