Girls have a reputation

for talking too much

for caring about stupid shit

like dolphins

and split ends

for manipulation

for resentment

for passive aggression

for feelings, lord,

bleeding curtains of stormy feelings

for respecting women

who are not beautiful

and suspecting women

who are.

Girls get a raw deal,

I think.

Just now.

That.

Girls say

I think

rather than

This is true.

Maybe because

we think

we have to

in order to avoid being

abrasive.

Maybe because

we think

it's easier for people to smile at opinions than facts.

It's nice to make someone smile.

Girls are aware

early on

there is danger in being outweighed

there is a price for being outspoken

there is a time when it's ok to be outsmarted.

My 7th grade math teacher divided us into boys versus girls for an algebra relay race.

On the blackboard, he wrote "Boys" on one side, and on the other side, "The Weaker Sex."

That school cost

significantly more than the state university

per year.

He was joking

I think

and perhaps inviting a person

to prove him wrong.

But all the boys laughed and jumped out of toppling chairs to high-five each other

and the girls exchanged open-mouthed silences,

sitting,

frozen as a colony of shocked squirrels.

Hot-cheeked, I picked up my chair

and carried it to the door.

I placed my chair just over the threshold and sat

with my back to the class.

The teacher told me to come back inside.

I sat still.

I wasn't very good at math anyway.

Girls have a very specific set of skills.

Generally speaking,

most girls I know have a

dependable

crowd-pleasing

side dish they can bring to a dinner party,

a

sweet

soft

sinful

cookie recipe in case of afternoon company,

and a

virtuous

nourishing

salad in case there's a barbeque.

Most girls I know have an unconscious defense mechanism

when faced with a threat

or a douchebag.

Most girls I know make themselves smaller

and less

like the first Billy Goat Gruff:

"who, me? I'm just a little nothing. You don't want me, Mr. Troll."

Most girls I know have a friend who starves.

Most girls I know have a friend whose boyfriend is cheating.

Most girls I know have a friend who has been hit.

Most girls I know have a friend who has been raped.

Most girls I know would talk for hours about these things in a room of women.

But not

if men were around.

We wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Girls have to be careful

when they walk places

or answer the door

and also when they compose their emails.

My boss once told me that I could be abrasive.

He wasn't wrong

I guess.

I said, "can you give me an example of a time that my abrasiveness has impacted my work?"

and he said, "I can't think of anything right now."

I said, "I'll follow up with you on this. I would hate to think that I'm unintentionally offending 

anyone."

He said, "actually, right now is an example."

Girls don't get hungry

until they're starving.

It's awesome to watch a thin girl eat a whole pizza.

It's annoying to watch a thin girl eating a single carrot stick.

It's embarrassing to watch a big girl eat a whole pizza.

It's sad to watch a big girl eat a single carrot stick.

Girls eat vengefully.

Have you noticed this?

Girls eat salads for revenge on their shorts.

Girls eat cheeseburgers for revenge on their judgmental great-aunts.

I once gagged while eating a slab of carrot cake that I did not want

because an elderly relative had patted my leg with her dry hand

and reminded me that I'd soon need to fit into my wedding dress.

Boy,

I showed her.

Girls feel like old news

I think.

Or at least I do.

Still? Still, we're talking about 

girls

as if we don't know them?

As if the hundreds of years of dialogue

about women

just here,

just in this country,

were on some other station

and you're just now tuning in

but we've been talking about it

for

ever

and I'm tired of talking about Girls.

I'm tired of waiting outside an office

where I know someone will look at me

with an incredulous face

and say

but you can vote

and work in any job

and nobody is going to try to kill you for your family's honor

or anything like that.

For God's sake,

Miss,

what more do you want?

We're not the thought police.

We can't legislate what's in people's heads.

Just what's in their wombs, then?

Just the part that belongs only to 

girls?

We're not hungry until we're starving.

We don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

We're not sure how not to be abrasive.

Girls have a reputation 

for holding a grudge

for drinking Chardonnay

for feelings

bleeding curtains of stormy feelings

for snapping at their children

for sleeping their way up

for crying

for talking too much

about stupid shit

like dolphins and split ends

and 

babies.

Actually,

right now is an example.

My son told me yesterday

that if he were a worm

and could pick which to be

he'd rather be a girl

when he's alone

but a boy the other times.

I asked him why, and he said

"Girls are really strong 

but they always wait. 

I'd like to be strong 

like a girl. 

But it seems really hard 

to be a girl."

I've seen the girls in his class

and he's right.

They are strong.

They're organized, too. 

They have plans

and execute them

as a team.

And when the snacks come out,

they sit, exchanging silent glances 

while the boys topple their chairs.

I didn't realize 

it took only three years to learn.

He's right. 

It's really hard.

photo at the top of the blog comes from 

Rosie Revere, Engineer by Andrea Beaty, illustrated by David Roberts

Abrams Books for Young Readers

a moving story about a Girl