Mother, I'd really love to collect some treasures on our afternoon walk on this crisp, clear spring day. Oh would you look at that! A dandelion! GET IN MY BASKET DANDELION TELL YA FRIENDS I'M COMIN TO COLLECT THEM TOO OH  IMMA COLLECT THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE TREASURES. TRUST.

Oh my heavens! Here at the beach? And me with my snappy green shovel! I  think you know what that means... PUT YOUR SHORT PANTS ON AND GET READY TO SWEAT BECAUSE THIS BITCH IS HEADED TO CHINA FOR SOME GENERAL TSO'S. FOUR STARS.

Wouldn't it be divine if I colored a picture on this rainy morning in March? Hmm... which blue crayon should I begin with? TRICK QUESTION BOTH DOUBLE TIME TURN UP THE FLO EVERY DAY I'M COLORIN

You're so right - mixing some paint colors together would be both diverting and educational. SOME? SOME? I THINK YOU MEAN MIX ALL OF THE PAINT COLORS INTO A BRAND-NEW CUSTOM COLOR THAT WE ARE EITHER CALLING "SEIS DE MAYO" or "AIRPORT FISH TACOS WERE A BAD CHOICE."

Goodness gracious! Chicken finished up his lunch and excused himself to read The Kite Runner on a sun-drenched windowsill. I believe I'd like to take a peek at his leftovers! Perhaps a nibble... MA! YOU'RE GONNA FIND NOODLES ALL UP IN ME. ALL UP IN MY TOE CRACKS

A sensory activity with crimped paper! That sound positively edifying! WHEN YOU SHAKE IT I WANT TO SCREAM SO I DO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Are these stones indigenous to the Pacific Northwest? Well, they're striking. Really. BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP. SUMMIT ATTEMPT IN T-MINUS 5... I 'M A BABY I CAN'T COUNT I'M GOING NOW

Now that you mention it, I'd love to make a Mother's Day collage for Grandma! I think she'll really appreciate the value of a gift made with love BUT FIRST I'M GIVING MYSELF A GLUE TREATMENT IN MY HAIR FOR MOISTURE AND BODY ELMER'S IT'S THE BEST IS WHAT I HEAR AROUND THE SANDBOX