I'm not usually one to toot my own horn, OR to blog about crafting, but holy balls you guys, I really nailed the Easter card this year.

#ididn'tcomeheretomakefriends
#pressurecooker
#shinebrightlikeadiamond
#lifeisahighway
#karmakarmakarmakarmakarmachameleon
#idon'tknowwhentostophashtagging
#doyouputapostrophesinhashtags
#ican'tnotputapostrophesinwhereappropriate

Which is to say that I nailed it Katie-style, which means that our card is absolutely not Pinterest-worthy, but it is also not likely to be mistaken for a used barf bag or, even worse, a toddler girl's Juicy Couture hoodie.

I think we need some more words. Alastair, this sweatshirt already has more words than the Gettysburg Address. Well, more sparkles at least. For God's sake, Alastair, she's not going to be holding a top hat for a Reno magician. She's going to wear this to the zoo or something, and we don't want to fluster the flamingoes during mating season. Plus it already weighs seven pounds. I think we need to say Juicy again. IT SAYS JUICY THREE TIMES. Four, actually, but I was thinking we should just round up to a baker's dozen. This sweatshirt is going to be mistaken for a horribly inept mother's attempt at an Easter card. You know that, don't you Alastair. I think those extra Juicys should go right between Beautiful and Girl.

Yeah, I didn't like NAIL IT-nail it, but I'm pretty happy with the Easter card.

Crap. Now I'm realizing that I can't post pictures of the actual card until I have sent it out to relatives. I don't want to spoil the glorious bricolage that is this year's Easter card. I'm not a spoiling bastard. Except for that one time that I asked my FB friends to post their favorite spoilers in 4 words or less. Among my favorites:

Spacey is Soze
Godot never comes
Rose has it
It's the sled
White men can jump
Harry loves Sally
The dude abides
and...
Meryl is nominated.

So, here's a series of hints about our Easter card:

SURPRISINGLY THERE IS NO BUNNY
BUT A CARROT... PERHAPS
ALSO, A POTATO WAS PRESENT
SO MANY COLORS
HAPPY EASTER
ALSO I WROTE THE DATE ON IT

So, you're welcome for this super helpful crafty post on making a simple, tasteful, fridge-doorable Easter card.

This post is totally useless.

OK, sorry, back to what you were doing before.