The french press makes really strong coffee. Like, maybe too strong. I'm typing SUPER FAST RIGHT NOW.

The traffic is going to be so yucky when I go to therapy tonight at 5, so I won't even have time to go to PCC and get a vegan donut.

I have to fold all this clean laundry now. It sucks so bad having a lot of clothes and a washing machine, you guys.

My trainer made my glutes really sore, so carrying that bag of organic kale and vegetable broth up the steps to our house is like uncomfortable.

Like a fool, I opened a banana without first asking permission from Emperor Chicken, so he flipped out and NOW I HAVE THIS OPEN BANANA. What am I supposed to do with an OPEN BANANA?

Why don't more houses in hip, walkable neighborhoods with great school districts have stainless appliances and two-car garages? I'll tell you why. It begins with a B. And ends with an "arack Obama."

My hair is too thick.

We're out of sparkling water so I have to drink the filtered water from the fridge door. Like a savage.