The following is a smattering of Facebook posts written by my friends.

"You know things are getting out of hand with the laundry when your 1 year old outgrows 2 pairs of pants before you get around to folding them..."

"Jack: I have a nick name.
Me: Yeah? what is it?
Jack: Jack. 
Me: Oh yeah. So what's your real name? 
Jack: Spiderman."

"I do not recommend explaining tennis scoring to a four-year-old."

"Women who get cheated often started using the toilet, farting, and waxing their upper lip in front of him." Done, done, and done. Am I in trouble?"

"It's happened, I'm on that other side in McDonalds."