It's not the kind of thought you want stitched on a pillow or hand-lettered on some driftwood hanging over the baby's crib. But I think a lot of parents of newborns feel where I'm coming from.

This shit is not undo-able. It isn't a cat you found out you're allergic to. When you have a baby and discover how incompatible said baby is with the life you used to have... Tough shit. Pull up your big girl yoga pants and get your ass in gear, mama. 

Today Chicken fought with all his 2-year-old might against getting in his car seat. He wanted to drive. 

Ryan put Buster in his seat as I attempted to both bend and turn my toddler's rigid, flailing body, while hunched over at a 90-degree angle into the backseat door of the car. 

With Ryan here I can do this. 

But he goes back to work next week.

it's impossible not to think it:

I've made a huge mistake.