1. You were going to get baby Toms? STOP. Collaborate. Listen. Get these instead:
Robeez makes a whole line of baby shoes that are not a total racket. Yes, tiny little Toms are adorbs. However, a baby Tom will not stay on the foot for longer than it takes you to put the other baby Tom on the other foot. You can imagine how long that sassy little dance can go on. Robeez are less expensive and way more practical.


2. You were going to get a Baby Bjorn? OH. GREAT. And I bet you were also going to get some white socks and sandals, too, right?

I won't bore you with the science, but the Baby Bjorn is uncomfortable for you and not awesome for baby. There's a reason you see these bad boys by the boxload at your neighborhood consignment store.

The Ergo is incredibly supportive for the baby and was easier on your back. I carry my almost 20-pound Chicken around in one of these puppies and my back never makes a peep.


3.  You were going to get a baseball? Awesome. He'll love it. In ten years. So good for you, you're also teaching him the fine art of patience, a quality which young children are particularly well-suited for. Also he might be able to use that baseball to give himself the gift that keeps on giving: A black eye.

Oball makes a line of soft balls that are easy for little punkins with the hand-eye coordination of a lush with an eyepatch. They bounce funny, are lightweight, safe to chew. Some come with little rattles. Some are football-shaped. This is THE ball.

4. You were going to get Sophie la Giraffe?


Good call.

Babies go ape shit for this giraffe. What is it? Her surprisingly musical squeak? Her perfectly rubbery texture? Her Mona Lisa aloofness? Whatever it is, her voodoo magic works like a charm. Best $30 I ever spent on a giraffe. In this country.